5 Things I Learned While Searching for a Pediatric Therapist

About a year ago, my school-aged daughter started having an issue that was making it impossible for her—or anyone else in our house—to sleep through the night. I knew she would benefit from seeing a pediatric therapist, but I put off finding one. “It’s just a phase,” my husband and I kept saying to each other. Five exhausting months later, we had to admit that it was a serious problem and we needed help.

Without going into too much detail, my daughter had been exposed to something distressing and it seemed to have cracked her sense of security at a foundational level. It didn’t help that she had been so young during Covid, when the adults around her were scared and confused. At bedtime, her fears came on like a storm and nothing we did could soothe them.

With no improvement despite our best efforts, I talked to her doctor and we agreed that she needed a pediatric therapist. I was handed a list of eight numbers and I called them all later that day. Not a single recommended therapist was accepting new patients.

My search continued for the better part of a year, during which I learned some valuable lessons. I’m sharing them here with the hope that they might help other parents have an easier time finding the right therapist for their struggling kid. Because when your child finally gets the support they need, the relief is beyond words.

1. Write down the who, what, and why of the situation

Wow, do I wish I had done this at the beginning of my search for a child therapist. The next time you’re sitting at your computer and have time to think, open a Google doc and write down all of the following:

• Your information: Your name, contact info, and relationship to the child. Ditto for parent number two, if there is one.
• Basic info about your kid: This should include but not be limited to age, living situation, family structure, school status, major personality traits, how well they’re functioning day-to-day, and any significant likes, dislikes, hobbies, pastimes, etc.
• An overview of why you’re seeking therapy: If there’s a problematic symptom or behavior, describe it in detail. Include when it started, how it has shown up and changed over time, what seems to make it better or worse, and whether you’ve tried any other formal treatments.
• How your child describes or talks about the issue: I’ve never seen this advice before and I think it’s really useful. In addition to sharing your perspective, ask your child to talk about what’s going on and transcribe that into the document verbatim. This will give your prospective therapist some first-hand information that may reveal things that you’re unable to see.
• Your insurance info: Jot down your insurance provider, policy number, group number, and the name of the policy holder if different from yours.
• Your availability: List the exact days and times when you could consistently get your child to a therapy appointment.
• Any special/specific needs: For example, a calm, quiet, inviting office was key for my daughter to stay in the right mindset for therapy.

This document will save you so much time and help prevent you from burning out on the search process. You can share it with a prospective therapist, or cut and paste some or all of it into a consultation request or intake form.

2. Finding a child therapist takes time—and rushing will backfire

By the time I started reaching out to pediatric behavioral therapists, I was in near-panic mode (not to mention severely sleep deprived). I felt my daughter needed to see someone immediately. So I jumped at the chance to book a visit with the first child therapist who took our insurance and had an open slot in their schedule.

Not only was the therapist’s office too far from our house to be manageable, it was sterile, cramped, and had no sound-proofing. The therapist struggled to engage my daughter who was too distracted by the sound of passing trains to focus. I truly regret that her first exposure to therapy was an unpleasant one, because it made it hard to motivate her to try again.

If you’re feeling enormous pressure to help your child as soon as possible, I’ve been there. I felt incredibly guilty that I waited so long to find expert help. I just wanted to fix things as fast as I could. But moving fast only made things harder as we slogged through multiple visits with therapists who were a clear mismatch for our needs.

Instead, take a minute to pause and consider your strategy, starting with consultations.

3. Favor pediatric therapists who offer free consultations

Yes, this may make a smaller pool of options even smaller, but I’d argue it’s worth it. Getting set up in a therapist’s patient portal and verifying your insurance (or paying the full fee if your self-pay) is far too much work when you don’t know if a therapist is going to click with your kid or if the office environment is going to be comfortable for them.

I recommend using Alma’s search platform to find a pediatric therapist because free consultations are standard. You can search for nearby or online child therapists who take your insurance, then click a button to request a consultation with a therapist who looks promising. They reach out within a day or two and set up a 15-minute call to talk things through.

4. Leave your kid out of the initial conversation.

Not everyone may feel this way, but I 100% needed the full consultation time to give the therapist a summary of what was happening, tell them a little about my daughter’s personality, and ask them a long-ish list of critical questions (see my next tip, below).

When I brought my daughter into consultations from the get-go, it made it impossible to have a grown-up conversation about therapy. And, after just two consultations, my daughter put her foot down. She understandably did not want to keep repeating details about a situation that was deeply uncomfortable for her.

If you have a successful consultation with a therapist, you can arrange a first visit with confidence. Is there a chance your child and the therapist won’t hit it off? Yes. But it will be much smaller since you’ve vetted the therapist first—and, the truth is, you know your kid pretty well.

5. Ask prospective child therapists a lot of questions.

If you’re a nice person, and I’m guessing you are, you want to be polite and have a pleasant consultation. Well, for the sake of your kid, you may have to ask an uncomfortable number of questions to get the details you need to make an informed decision.

Questions I asked pediatric therapists during consultations:

• Do you specialize in treating kids or is pediatric therapy a smaller part of your practice?
• How would you describe your approach to pediatric therapy?
• How do you think your approach would be helpful in my daughter’s case?
• What can we expect from the first several sessions with you? Can you walk me through your process?
• After how many sessions would you expect there to be noticeable progress? What kind of progress would you expect to see?
• (If talking via phone or Zoom) Can you describe your office, waiting room or lobby, the building, and the immediate environment around it? Is it peaceful, noisy, crowded?
• Are you planning any big trips or leaves of absence in the near future? Do you see yourself continuing to practice at this location for at least the next year?

This last question may feel nosey, but I believe it’s worth asking. While unforeseen changes can happen, asking this question directly may prompt a therapist to admit that a change is coming that may impact your child’s care. It’s far better to know upfront and decide if you want to risk the possible disruption.

Keep going. It’s worth it!

The search for the right pediatric therapist can be daunting. But by writing down details ahead of time, prioritizing consultations, and asking the right questions, the process can go much, much smoother than it did in my case.

After ten months of clumsy searching and stops and starts, we finally did find a fantastic therapist, and I can’t tell you how happy I am that my daughter (and everyone else in our family) is sleeping better than ever. Even more importantly, my daughter has a trusted expert in her corner who is helping her realize that she’s strong, resilient, and surrounded by loving people who can help keep her safe.