Back to Work After Baby: Stress Reducing Tips for New Moms

There’s no sugarcoating it: returning to work after maternity leave is hard. The postpartum period is already full of sleepless nights, dirty diapers, and volatile emotions. Add in the stress of going back to work, and you’ve got yourself a seriously challenging phase of life.

Whether you’re preparing for your first day back to work after maternity leave or already struggling at work after your return, know that you’re not alone. Countless others are in the same shoes.

What can be even more stressful about working postpartum is the feeling that two sides of you are constantly at war. As a new mother, you want to be home, bonding with your baby. As someone focused on your career (not to mention long-term financial stability), you want to show your boss and team that you’re as capable as ever.

How do you manage the stress of it all? We spoke to three therapists who specialize in perinatal and postpartum mental health to bring you actionable, realistic tips to ease anxiety, manage your time, and set yourself up for success.

Tips to prepare for returning to work after maternity leave

You can never be too prepared for a challenge, and this is especially the case when it comes to returning to work after maternity leave. Here are four tips to consider before you get back to the office.

1. Get it all out of your head and down on paper

Get out pen and paper or open a Google doc and “brain dump” everything you need or want to do before returning to work, recommends licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Lilit Ayrapetyan. The vague sense that you have “a million things” to do can be paralyzing. A list can help reduce stress by making those tasks concrete and able to be delegated.

2. If you need flexibility at work, make a formal ask

If your job isn’t already offering up accommodations for you, take initiative and set up a meeting with your boss or HR.

Alma therapist and mother of two Bridget Balajadia, LCSW, PMH-C suggests the following script:

“I want to show up at work, but I also need to be showing up at home. Are there ways that maybe we could compromise and think a little bit differently about how the work is getting done?”

Ideally, you should go into the meeting with concrete examples of a strategy, rather than asking them to come up with solutions. For example, you might ask to work remotely two or three days a week, or see if you can head to the office earlier in the morning so you can leave earlier in the afternoon.

Aim to ask with confidence, Balajadia says. These accommodations can help you balance work and family life and be a more productive employee, which is what you both want.

3. Do a childcare test run

Leaving your baby for the first time on your first day back to work after maternity leave is a recipe for anxiety. It can be really hard to experience this change for the first time, so it’s best to practice before you make the full transition.

So, whether you have a family member helping out, a nanny, or a daycare, start earlier to socialize the baby with the other care provider and gain trust, Balajadia says. This can help both you and your little one gear up for this change.

4. Focus on what you can control

With this transition (and motherhood in general), there are a lot of unknowns, and it’s normal to stress. “You will have many worries as you adjust back to work. Some you can problem solve and improve, and others are uncontrollable ‘what ifs,’” says licensed marriage and family therapist Caitlyn Oscarson.

“For productive worries, there are things we can do NOW to reduce to avoid the problem. This problem-solving is helpful and should reduce overall stress and anxiety,” Oscarson says. “For the category of unproductive worries, the goal is to accept things that we cannot change and/or reframe our perceptions into more helpful, but still believable thoughts.”

Tips for once you come back from maternity leave

Already back at the office and struggling at work after maternity leave? Try these seven tips to help you feel less overwhelmed at home and work.

1. Stand your ground with your boss

It’s important to set boundaries always, but especially during this postpartum time when you’re still adjusting to life back at work. For example, if you’re frequently dealing with ad-hoc requests that are about to push you over your tipping point, you have to take a stand. “Standing up for yourself in this way protects your energy, which is essential, not just optional, during your transition back to work,” Dr. Ayrapetyan says.

She suggests the following script:

“I’m prioritizing what’s already on my plate to ensure I’m fully present and effective in my work. I won’t be able to take this on right now. Can we explore other options or circle back at a later time?”

2. Reach out to your support people

Many new mothers deal with loneliness and isolation. During this overwhelming time, it’s important to remember that you don’t have to go through this alone. Balajadia suggests asking yourself who the people are that you can call or text during the work day when you’re feeling overwhelmed, whether that’s your best friend, partner, mother, or auntie. Keep a list (maybe a sticky note on your desk) with their names so you don’t have to think about it if/when you’re spiraling.

“Even texting a fellow mom, ‘This is hard today!’ can help break the isolation,” Dr. Ayrapetyan adds. Chances are, they’re thinking the same thing!

3. Protect your time outside of work

Now is a time to be mindful of your commitments and learn how to feel comfortable saying “no” to things that are too stressful or don’t enrich your life, Oscarson says. “Between work and caring for a baby, you won't have much time for yourself. Make sure that the things you are doing outside of work and caregiving don't increase the stress in your life,” she adds. You have to put yourself and your baby first—do what’s best for you and the little one, without trying to please everyone else.

Not used to setting boundaries and saying no? If you need to turn down plans, Oscarson suggests saying, “We are having some solo family time to recharge this weekend so won't be able to get together. Let’s schedule something for a few weeks,” or “I appreciate you reaching out, but unfortunately we're not available this weekend!”

4. Ask your partner for help

Now is not the time to suffer in silence. Chances are, your partner knows that this transition is super tough for you, and hopefully doing their part. But if you feel like you need more help, ask for it. Dr. Ayrapetyan suggests framing it as a shared problem, since this reduces the chance of them getting defensive and invites collaboration instead.

She suggests saying, “I know we’re both doing a lot, and I’m feeling close to my edge. Can we check in about what’s working and what’s not, so we both feel more supported?”

5. Tend to your inner child

You may be a new mom to a baby, but you can also view yourself as a mom to your “inner child” when you’re feeling big emotions, like anxiety, Balajadia says.

“Take a minute to really notice the part of yourself that is feeling very anxious at that moment. Maybe it's because you’re missing baby. Maybe it’s because your boss has put so many projects in front of you, and you don't know where you’re going to find the time,” Balajadia says.

Pretend you have a little child in front of you. You wouldn’t push them away and tell them you don’t want them there, right? “You are going to attend to that child, and you’re going to give that child the attention and time that the child needs. We also need to treat our own parts the same way,” Balajadia says.

6. Use grounding tools in moments of high stress

Grounding tools help you get out of your head and back into your body when your mind is spiraling or emotions are running high. One quick way to regulate is by using your breath, Dr. Ayrapetyan says. Taking some slow, deep belly breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth, making your exhale longer than your inhale, can calm down your nervous system.

Or, Dr. Ayrapetyan says you can lean into your senses, keeping a scented or sensory object with you. For example, you can keep an aromatherapy essential oil bottle at your desk or your fidget toy of choice.

7. Practice self-compassion

There’s no doubt about it: returning to work after maternity leave is a super tough transition, so it’s important to cut yourself some slack. “Be patient, kind, and compassionate to yourself as you navigate these changes,” Oscarson says. “It’s hard, but it will get easier, especially if you are patient and give yourself the room to figure out what works best for you.”

And on that note, allow yourself to be imperfect. “This is a transition, not a final destination,” Dr. Ayrapetyan says. “You’re allowed to feel messy and still be doing it right.”

When to seek professional help

Be on the lookout for yellow or red flags that you could benefit from some additional support. “If you’re feeling persistently overwhelmed, irritable, tearful, or disconnected from yourself or your baby, or if the anxiety feels like it’s taking over your ability to function, it’s time to reach out for additional support,” Dr. Ayrapetyan says.

Don’t try to power through or just sit back and cross your fingers that things will get easier and better. “Asking for support during a big transition like this is a sign of strength, not weakness,” she adds.

Working with a therapist (especially one who specializes in working with moms) can give you the mental health support you need to thrive at work and at home with your baby.

Not sure where to start on your search to find a therapist? Alma has many mental health professionals who specialize in helping new working moms just like you.