Grief and loss

What is grief?

Grief is the natural response to loss. Most people connect it with the death of a loved one, but grief can follow any major loss, including a divorce, a job, a home, or your health. It is a normal process rather than a disorder, though it can be one of the most painful experiences in life.

Many people are familiar with the five stages of grief, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These were never meant to be rules. Not everyone goes through all of them, and they rarely happen in a neat order.

Grief is different from depression, even though the two can overlap. Grief tends to come in waves and stays tied to the loss, while depression is more constant and can color everything. When intense grief lasts well beyond a year and keeps interfering with daily life, it may be complicated or prolonged grief, which can call for extra support.

What does grief feel like?

Grief can affect your mind, body, and behavior all at once, and it looks different for everyone. People often describe the emotions as coming in waves that arrive without warning. The signs below are common ones to recognize.

Emotional signs are the shifting feelings that grief brings.

• Waves of sadness, anger, guilt, or yearning that come without warning
• Feeling numb, detached, or as if you are on autopilot
• Conflicting emotions, like relief alongside sadness
• A sense of losing hope or direction

Physical and behavioral signs show how much loss can affect the body.

• Fatigue, headaches, or an upset stomach
• Trouble sleeping, or sleeping too much
• Changes in appetite
• Difficulty concentrating, remembering, or making decisions

There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and no fixed timeline. Feeling these things does not mean something is wrong with you; it means you have lost something that mattered.

What can make grief harder to process?

Every loss is different, and some circumstances make grief especially complex. Understanding what can complicate grieving may help you make sense of your own experience, or be patient with someone else's.

Circumstances that can complicate grief include:

• Ambiguous loss, where there is no clear closure
• Traumatic loss, such as a sudden, violent, or unexpected death
• Disenfranchised grief, when others do not treat your loss as worthy of grief
• Grieving several losses at once, or losses that reopen older ones

These situations can stretch grief out or make it harder to move through. They are a sign that extra support may help, not that you are grieving the wrong way.

How can you cope with grief?

There is no shortcut through grief, but there are ways to care for yourself and lean on others while you move through it. What helps is personal, and it can change from day to day.

Caring for yourself matters more than it may seem. Steady sleep, regular meals, gentle movement, and a daily routine can restore a small sense of normalcy when everything feels upended.

Leaning on others helps ease the isolation grief can bring. Letting friends or family support you, or sharing memories with people who understand, can lighten the weight of a loss.

Professional support is available if grief is not easing or is getting in the way of daily life. A grief counselor or therapist can help, and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is one approach used for complicated or prolonged grief.

Grief does not disappear on a schedule. Instead, it slowly becomes part of your story, and being patient with yourself is part of the process.

When should you seek help?

It can help to reach out to a counselor or therapist if your grief is not easing after six months to a year, or if it is interfering with your ability to live your life. Signs that extra help could make a difference include feeling stuck in denial, avoiding all reminders of the loss, or feeling that life has lost meaning.

Grief can sometimes bring thoughts of not wanting to go on. If you are having thoughts of harming yourself, treat it as urgent and call or text 988, the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, or call 911. You do not have to carry a loss alone, and support is available whenever you are ready.