How to Break Up With Your Therapist: Templates and Tips

I have been a therapy client for almost 15 years, and in that time, I’ve ended relationships with many different therapists.

Sometimes it was unremarkable, not unlike handing in a resignation letter at a job. Sometimes it was deeply emotional, with tears flowing on both sides. And one time, it was even contentious, revealing just how ill-fitting the relationship really was.

Maybe, like me, you’ve googled how to end a relationship with a therapist, and found the advice to be too simplistic and vague. If that’s you, you’ve landed in the right place!

There are no hard and fast rules in this article, and no shaming of your choices here, either — just tried and true guidance to help you make decisions that feel authentic and supportive for you.

Misconceptions about ending therapy

Before you start planning the end of this relationship, Iet’s clear up some common misconceptions that may be holding you back.

You owe your therapist a ‘proper goodbye,’ so as not to hurt their feelings.

It’s great that you respect your therapist as a person and want to ensure that this respect is conveyed to them! That said, in a healthy therapeutic relationship, you’re encouraged to center your own needs, and to trust that your therapist can manage their own feelings independently.

Your therapist is trained to navigate the end of a relationship, even if that ending is messy or unexpected. Do your best to focus on what you need to feel supported, and reflect on what (if anything) might give you a sense of closure and confidence moving forward.

It’s just like ending a dating relationship.

Well, not really! While a therapeutic relationship can be emotionally intimate, it’s important to remember it’s not the same as a romantic relationship. A therapist is a care provider whose role is solely focused on supporting you, and who is both trained and compensated to offer care to you.

The breakup, then, should be centered on your needs, and if asked, your therapist should be taking steps to ensure a smooth transition, including offering referrals to other providers or making suggestions for next steps.

You are not responsible for how your therapist reacts to ending the relationship, and unlike a breakup with a partner, your therapist should only share how they’re feeling if it’s supportive of your connection, closure, and growth.

If your therapist becomes defensive or upset, you did something wrong.

If your therapist becomes defensive or upset, that isn’t your fault or responsibility! They may be taken by surprise, they may feel unprepared, and they may even need supervision from another clinician.

But part of their job is ensuring they have the support in place for themselves to support you in any context — and that includes when you’re ending the relationship and asserting your needs.

You owe your therapist an explanation as to why you’re ending things.

While sharing your reasons might be an opportunity to practice advocating for what you need, and discussing your reasoning may be helpful in giving you some additional confidence and closure, you’re under no obligation to explain your reasons for ending a therapeutic relationship.

It’s rude to offer feedback to your therapist.

If your therapist could have or should have done something differently, you are welcome to offer them that feedback if it would feel empowering to vocalize!

For example, when I broke up with a therapist who I didn’t feel supported by, I explained to her the aspects of our relationship that felt harmful to me. She didn’t take it well, but I still felt proud of myself for asserting my needs, and was able to process the experience with my new therapist.

Similarly, I’ve given feedback to therapists who genuinely appreciated the opportunity to reflect — and having that feedback be well-received was a healing experience for me, especially as a people-pleaser.

You have to end it in-person if you’ve seen them for a long time.

It can be helpful to practice ending a relationship in-person, especially because advocating for yourself is a muscle that you flex and build overtime! But that’s best practiced with a safe person.

The conventional advice of, “If you’ve worked together for more than [a month, a few months, etc], always end it in-person” falls flat in relationships where there isn’t trust, safety, and consistent support. Even therapists you’ve seen for a year or more may not have earned that trust, and it’s okay if that influences your decision.

Your therapist will try to talk you out of it, or will interrogate you.

Barring situations where your therapist has concerns about your immediate safety, or maybe if you’ve discussed together your tendency to isolate or push others away when struggling, a good therapist will ultimately honor your “no” and support you in directing your own care.

Your therapist may ask you questions about what other supports you have in place, and may invite you to offer feedback or process your decision, but you should never feel pressured or coerced into staying in the therapeutic relationship.

If you feel that way, know that you can end the session at any time, for any reason.

Ending a therapeutic relationship with a little white lie is totally fine! You’ll never see them again anyway.

Generally speaking, I wouldn’t recommend telling a lie when you’re ending a therapy relationship, even if that lie seems “harmless.”

In the event you’d like to meet with this provider again, or if you need to reach out for some type of temporary support (like referrals, disability paperwork, coordinating care with another provider or clinic, or accessing records), it’s best to end things in an honest way to ensure you feel as comfortable as possible asking for help down the road.

That said, if you told a lie when ending the relationship, don’t let that discourage you from reaching out for help in the future!

Therapists are also human beings, and they understand that sometimes we make less optimal decisions when we’re trying to avoid conflict or hurting someone’s feelings — and that could be something you work on together in the future.

It’s always wrong to ghost your therapist.

I wouldn’t say it’s always wrong to ghost your therapist. As with most things, I would say, “It depends.”

When possible, the dignity of a clear “I’m discontinuing our work together” is certainly appreciated. But there may be situations where conflict or misunderstandings between the client and therapist are so profound, it might be unsafe or too destabilizing to navigate.

Alternatively, it may be a level of vulnerability you simply aren’t ready for, or a relationship where you were harmed and don’t wish to engage any further.

In that context, ghosting might feel like your only option (or, in rare instances, it is the only safe option). We’ll discuss ghosting more — and some alternatives that may be available to you — later on in the article.

How should I communicate my decision to end therapy?

When to end therapy via email, text, or voicemail

This might be your method if:

• You don’t wish to invest additional time and/or money into a closing session (because the relationship is shorter-term, or because the relationship hasn’t felt supportive overall)
• You don’t feel enough trust or safety with your provider, and suspect an in-person conversation would make you feel worse
• It’s important to you to have a written record of how your provider interacts with you post-termination, because they’ve behaved unpredictably in the past
• You struggle to vocalize your authentic feelings and needs in-person, and aren’t able or ready to try another way

When to end therapy in-person

This might be your method if:

• You wish to process the relationship, reflect on the therapy experience as a whole, and/or plan your next steps
• You’re feeling vulnerable at the end of therapy and want to practice sharing those feelings with a safe person
• You’d like to celebrate your progress and growth, or receive feedback from your therapist in some way
• You have feedback you’d like to give your therapist, whether that’s gratitude for their support, grief around what wasn’t supportive, or a mix of the two

When to send a breakup text/email before your final session

This might be your method if:

• Reaching out via text/email first can be a way of “warming up” to giving authentic feedback in-person
• You need reassurance from your therapist that they support your decision before you meet in-person
• You’ve wanted to end the relationship for a while, but when you show up to session, you struggle to assert yourself
• You feel more comfortable knowing your therapist is on the same page before you meet

How to break up with your therapist via email or text

If you aren’t sure what to say, we’ve got you! Below are some scripts for ending a therapy relationship via text or email (or even voicemail). If you need to edit them to sound more “you,” please do!

If the relationship felt supportive…

Hi THERAPIST!

I’ve been reflecting a lot on my therapy needs moving forward. While I’m so grateful for the work we’ve done together, I’ve decided to explore other kinds of support as my needs have recently shifted.

(Optional Appreciation) Your support has been very meaningful to me, and I’ve felt especially grateful for [your insights around OCD, our EMDR sessions, what you taught me about self-compassion, etc].

(Optional Explanation) Moving forward, though, I’m curious to see how [coaching, another modality, a clinician that takes my insurance, a clinician who shares my identity, group therapy, etc] might better align with what I need currently. If you have any other recommendations for me to consider, I’d appreciate those as well!

At this time, I don’t need a closing session with you and feel comfortable pausing here. If I need anything else or decide I’d like a final appointment after all, I’ll be sure to reach out to you.

Thanks so much!

YOUR NAME

If the relationship felt neutral…

Hi THERAPIST!

I’ve been reflecting a lot on my therapy needs moving forward, and I’ve decided to explore other options as my needs have recently shifted.

(Optional Explanation) I have appreciated your perspective, but [we aren’t clicking, I need to try something new, I’m not seeing the progress I hoped for]. I’m curious to see how [coaching, another modality, a clinician that takes my insurance, a clinician who shares my identity, group therapy, etc] might better align with what I need currently. If you have any related recommendations, I’d be happy to receive them.

At this time, I don’t need a closing session with you and feel comfortable ending here. If I need anything else or decide I’d like a final appointment after all, I’ll be sure to reach out to you.

Thanks so much!

YOUR NAME

If the relationship felt challenging…

Hi THERAPIST,

I’ve been reflecting a lot on my therapy needs and our relationship as a whole, and I’ve decided to find alternative support for my mental health.

(Optional Explanation) While I was hoping to work on [GOAL: boundaries, work/life balance, autistic burnout, etc], I’m not feeling supported in that work with you, and I need to explore other options.

(Optional Feedback) I have found [BEHAVIOR: your cutting me off in-session, your invalidating my grief, your tardiness to our sessions, etc] has especially impacted my trust in this process and in you as my therapist.

At this time, I don’t need a closing session with you.

(Optional Boundary) Additionally, I only need an acknowledgement that this message was received — I’m not looking to process this message or our relationship any further.

Thanks for your understanding.

YOUR NAME

Some encouragement from a provider:

How to break up with your therapist in-person

If you are planning to meet in-person or over video, but you aren’t sure how to initiate a conversation about ending the therapeutic relationship, here are some thought-starters to chew on! And remember, you can always edit these to sound more natural to you.

If the relationship felt supportive…

Ways to Advocate For Your Needs

If the relationship felt challenging…

Ways to Advocate For Your Needs

Some encouragement from a provider:

How to ask for a final session via text/email

Sometimes breaking the relationship off in phases can feel more helpful. If that’s more your speed, we’ve got templates for how to give your provider a "heads up" that you'd like to end the relationship and make your next session together your last.

If the relationship felt supportive…

If the relationship felt challenging…

Some encouragement from a provider:

Is it ever okay to ghost your therapist?

Ghosting does happen sometimes! In many cases, it’s to avoid potential discomfort or awkwardness, which is an understandable instinct.

That said, with the exception of unsafe or harmful providers, directly ending a relationship with your therapist could be a meaningful opportunity to practice direct communication and self-advocacy.

Letting your therapist know that you’ve terminated the relationship, however briefly, can also help ensure that they aren’t alarmed by your disappearance.

Remember: You are not required to engage with a therapist who is harming you or making you uncomfortable.

In some cases, ghosting — or, ending the therapeutic relationship without any communication at all — may be the safest option for you.

If you have concerns that something unethical may be taking place, please consider reaching out to someone that you trust to talk through what's making you feel uneasy. You also have the right to report your therapist to their respective licensing board.

Your therapist may still email or call you, but please know that you aren’t required to answer if that doesn’t feel safe.

Final tips for therapy break-ups

1. Be as honest as you can! This is a great opportunity to practice direct communication, self-advocacy, and authenticity. Name what you’re feeling, even if that’s discomfort or fear, and know that your therapist is there to hold everything with you.
2. Trust that your therapist can manage their own feelings — you don’t need to sugarcoat your feelings, withhold any feedback, or try to reassure them. If you sense that your therapist is unable to support you, know you can end the conversation at any time.
3. Ask for what you need! This can include a referral for another therapist, recommendations for new types of therapy to try, positive feedback about your progress, or guidance on what to do next.
4. You can always change your mind or ask for support later on. Ending the relationship now doesn’t mean you can’t ask for their support later!
5. Focus on what will support you, and know that a good therapist will celebrate your self-advocacy, even if that means your work together is coming to a close.